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Wednesday, June 1, 2011

IN-FORM POET - QUINTAIN (SICILIAN)

Quintain (Sicilian)

Written in Iambic Pentameter with a rhyme sequence of a.b.a.b.a. This form has been used by many great poets and, like the Tanka, it is a valid and wonderful poetry form in it's own write. An example that was provided with this description:

And on and on it goes, on through endless time
Never letting go of the person we love.
Two souls always searching for a path sublime
Connected yet apart, always cognizant of
That to others we will always be, a paradigm.

Ryter Roethicle


However, there is a problem with the Iambic Pentameter in this piece. Marie Elena has written a response as her example.
Marie Elena’s reply:

IAMB CONFUSED

Iambic pentameter has five feet.
(da DUM, da DUM, da DUM, da DUM, da DUM)
Two syllables in each, so ten’s complete.
(da DUM, da DUM, as though upon a drum)
So Ryter Roethicle "done lost his beat"?!
 

Walt’s Quintain:

A WASTE OF HEART

I stand before the god’s of love again,
and hope my fate is better than it was.
For things are not the way that they had been;
my heart still breaks the way a good heart does.
To lay a heart to waste is such a sin.

16 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. THE ROSE IN YOUR HAIR

    This rose you place in locks of sunny gold
    will perish, velvet petals fall to dust,
    but dear, this beating heart, the vows I’ve told
    to you before our God, I gave in trust.
    Though flowers die, our love will not grow old.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lunch Break

    Kick off the patent heels and panty hose,
    Shake out the tight chignon with girlish zeal,
    Hike up your pencil skirt cause no one knows
    This momentary splendor that you feel:
    The glory of the grass between your toes.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I forgot about that pesky rhyme scheme...I'll revise and repost later.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sorry, Walt, I couldn't resist it:

    For sin against correct apostrophe
    Walt must be made to pay a heavy fine.
    The gods of love in wild antistrophe
    rise up in anger dire against his crime.
    Take care, young man, avoid catastrophe.

    This form has legs, be sure I shall return,
    iambs deployed within a kinder verse,
    discourtesy dispelled, scorn overturned;
    never more complain in tones perverse.
    I promise I will make a sharp u-turn.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Heehee, Viv! It's an it'sy bit'sy evil little mark, it is! ;)

    Great job, Sal, Catherine, and Viv! Shannon, I hope you give it another shot. I wish you had left yours up, even though it didn't really fit the form. We could still enjoy it and learn from it.

    Our PB Poets make my day!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Traveler

    I dream of traveling throughout the earth,
    to see exotic wonders far and wide.
    I pause and think of my old place of birth,
    of Pennsylvania hills and country side,
    and ask what memories hold greater worth.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Viv pointed me to your blog, and I'm enjoying what I've read so far. Although I think I've written a cinquain or two, I don't believe I've written a sicilian quintain. Here goes:

    Do I Have to Work?

    The boss is out of the office today,
    all is quiet in my faux-paneled world,
    and I wonder if there could be a way,
    as I sit with fingers o'er keyboard curled,
    to take my hoop and go outside to play.

    It's a tempting thought, that I must admit,
    but my iPod is, sadly, out of reach,
    and hooping without music - I've tried it -
    is not really fun unless at the beach.
    What's more, the boss would have a hissy fit.

    So I suppose hooping will have to wait
    until the workday drudgery is done;
    for the next few hours my thirst I will sate
    with watching my hoop friends having their fun.
    For virtual play, YouTube can be great. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. You guys make these things seem natural as breathing. I may not have mentioned this, but rhyme hates me. (but the rhythm breaks are intentional)

    On Having Finished a Dream

    The old cat sleeps in the morning window sun,
    and I am drowsy, too.  When I first woke
    the stupid dent in your pillow was still warm;
    now, it's topography.  It doesn't speak.
    Stretching, in the quiet house, I am alone.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Classroom Poetry Lesson

    A form, a scaffold for young unpoemed minds.
    An outline for their inspiration. Or
    is it a cell? Does it confine? Or bind
    their muse in chained-link woe. Would they write more
    if immersed in poets' words, sparking finds.


    The Quintain

    Whisper to me. Sing me to sleep. Rock me
    to a ten beat treat. I'll go up and down
    and back and forth. It is the place to be
    when words are the top toy for play and sound.
    I'll catch the boat and float in it's wavy sea.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Love Carcass (original)

    A hope, a wish, a kiss unpecked, words left
    unsaid. They crack and sag and when we part
    I wonder if we fell apart. Or did
    we just forget to start? Rotted away,
    decayed, the carcass left from beasts that prey.


    Love Carcass (revised to rhyme)

    A hope, a wish, a kiss unpecked, words left
    unsaid. They crack and sag and when we part
    I wonder if we fell apart. Or theft
    of love, robbed from the start? A rotted heart
    decayed, the carcass left us both bereft.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well, obviously this form has been quite a challenge for me.

    The Iambic Pentameter is off in places...

    Last line of "The Quintain" has 11 syllables...

    Change the last line to:
    I'll catch the boat, float in it's wavy sea.

    Thank you Marie Elena and Walt for the pushing me to branch out in my poetic attempts.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Messing Around

    It’s time we all just stop messing around.
    Some see the shallow waters there as deep.
    It’s peace within your soul that must be found.
    So share some love today before you sleep.
    What goes around will surely come around.

    By Michael Grove

    ReplyDelete
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